Over the past week or so, one of my biggest fears, much like my sister Laura, is that I will forget. I am so afraid that with each day that passes, I get one day further away from him, and one day further away from all the things I knew and remembered of him.
That is really, to be honest, one of the main reasons why I wanted to do this blog. So that I wouldn't forget.
I can be such a forgetful person, very much an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of person, so I was so afraid this would happen with my memories of my Dad.
And if anyone deserves to be remembered, it is my Dad, of course, because to me, he was my Dad.
But the funny thing is that lately all I can hear is his voice inside my head. Telling me how I should think or repeating his old phrases that I didn't realize I knew so well. "Keep your chin up", "Everything's gonna be alright", "The Lord never gives you more than you can handle." :)
For being the "grumpy old man" that he was so often, he was surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly) an extremely positive person, especially when it came to cheering me up.
So every time now that I think about something and wonder how I'm going to deal with it, I hear his voice.
A very close friend of mine assured me the other day,"Don't worry, girl. You'll never forget your Daddy."
I am starting to realize she was exactly right.
Even if this blog got completely erased, or all the pictures I have of him were gone forever, or the little blue book where we were writing down his jokes, etc. got stolen, even if I could never physically see him with my eyes in a photo again, I realize now that it will be ok.
I carry the most important parts of who he was to me in my heart, and that will never be lost or forgotten.
I miss you, Dad. I love you.